Dina and Dan Ride Public Transportation

When I get on the bus, there are eight women and children and I cannot help but feel as if this is the Titanic and we're all going to go down, deep into the dark concrete, deep down underneath the soil towards the center fire core, where we would say we were going to dig to China, Australia, like the heart, down deeper below where we thought it would be, we are going to dig and keep digging into the sternum, into the pockets of yellow fat like you saw in the frog that you cut up in science class, you didn't refuse, you relished in it, in fact, asked if you could have the frog tongue to keep in your pocket with you the rest of the day, your teacher of course said yes because he was a creep, too. Later, before this particular bus ride, you will remember being a year out of his class and going to his class and saying to him "you loved having me in class, I rocked your world" and he blushed but did not say that it was inappropriate. I told him you were a lesbian, seen at the football game holding hands with another woman, seen holding hands, "so what?" was the teacher's response, who cares, no one cares if she's a lesbian "ew, it's gross" I said, but what I really meant was, "I want another woman, too."

There are eight women and children on the bus and we are stopping at every stop, every single stop is requested but no one gets off and no one gets on. Still. We jerk past the stops the way your arms tingle before a heart attack. I thought I was having a heart attack once, I threw up on myself in my car on the way to the hospital. Turns out it was just gas. Still. What more to a heart attack than the body eating itself and stopping oxygen, the torture and beauty of it all. The heart says, enough. The heart says, enough. You should have stopped a long time ago. You cannot simply snort heroin and stop all of a sudden, you puke on yourself on the way to the hospital, that is what you do. You feel like you are having a heart attack, the biggest anxiety attack you've ever had.

The last stop a man gets on and it changes the dynamic of the bus ride. All of a sudden, all the women are flocking, they are asking him questions, the children are vying for his attention as if he is the leader of this pack, as if he is Daddy to every child, Husband to every woman. I am on the bus and we are going down, the strongest ship to ever sail the sea, we are all going to die. The man is tipping his fitted ball cap towards me, saying hello, hello, with his yellow stained teeth. Eight women and children riding around waiting for Daddy, waiting for hubby.