In one hour I will board a plane that will arrive at your doorstep non-stop flight and I will enter your front door and it will be time to say good-bye.
I always said that if we said good-bye it would be in the desert where I left you once and continue to leave if, if and only if, our good-bye is something we see as divinely inspired. To see anything as divinely inspired means that there is a divine to speak of.
When you say "o, this is so divine!" I want to be sure we are speaking of the same divinity, in an honor code of sorts, in a way in which we both understand what divine means and what is divinatory at any given time.
Pull the tarot and it is the 2 of swords, pull again and it is the Devil. You say that you do not believe in reading cards, that you read people instead, that you can tell that all we both want to do is take our clothes off, touch bellies, leave before morning even hits, you've already called a cab, don't come back to my house at 4am if that's not what you want to do.
To be addicted to a hunt, a haunt. To be addicted at all. To be the addict, in all of its post-script. To be addicted to desire as in desire is the only thing worth hunting. To sink belly to belly and never tell me, to tell me years later that you were sinking belly to belly with anyone at all and how is it even a crime, its not like we were together, its not like we were ever together.
Who am I even speaking to anymore? Who is there to speak about? In a sense, time
robs me of everyone I speak about, time robs me. If I am speaking of anyone at all,
if I am speaking about you, it is a different you than the you of now, it is a different
now than that of then, we are in the desert when we really we were never out of the
desert, we just never looked around us to see.
I am flying to you today, or maybe tomorrow, I will arrive at your doorstep and you will be forced to let me in, please let me in, let me in. You may or may not, and even before arrival, you can tell by the way the air around you moves that something as flight something as this is happening.
You pull a card, I am no longer a man. You pull another card and I am no longer a woman.
If you do not see these as divinely-inspired things, we can feel a new direction pulling. What does it mean to desire inside historicity, historically. I enter the space, you look away. I enter the space, a divine timeline and you act as if you do not know me. Why? Because our bellies never touched before this time, because you and I were never a a you & I, being a we for so long, we were never a we at all. Do not act like you do not know me, you have no reason to look away.
What does it mean to speak to someone that has abandoned you, better yet,
someone that was never there in the first place, this ghost as place, this ghost
as time and space, this ghost of another sense of being together. What ghost
yet resonates and does not resonate, what you bring to the table and what
you leave on the floor.
It is 4am and the desire, the desire. When we decide to be capable of making decisions
what can we do put look forward. What is forward? Death. Death of desire. Death of
the self, of the divine. You ask me if I am a poet and I tell you no. I would never
accept that answer from you. I am not a poet at all, why would you think I was?
In the face of death, all we are is poetry. In the face of the addiction, all we are is
lineated. I am no longer a block of prose, I am no longer a block at all.
You pull a card, you run late. My flight is cancelled, again, again.
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